Shadow, leaving me...

It had to be the most horrific thing I had ever seen.  I had witnessed and delivered many babies.  It was second nature and few mothers or newborns suffered death under my expert care.  I had been well informed of the procedure this young woman had undergone months earlier in the name of science.  I knew there were severe risks she had taken in allowing herself, and the growing fetus inside her, to undergo the procedure that I had been against from the start.  And as bad of an idea that I thought this experiment was, I could not have predicted this outcome.

But let me back up a bit.

As medical director of Shinra Laboratories it was my job to see to the welfare of all experiment subjects.      In the past three years I had primarily been working with Professor Hojo and his work that stemmed from the data put together by the late Grimoire Valentine and the missing Lucrecia Crescent.  I couldn't say that I liked working with my superior, Hojo.  He was a rough and impatient man.  Well, his patience only came when he was waiting for something he wanted or waiting on results of experiments he did.  He made many mistakes, denied them, and often left me to clean-up after his messes.

He was even more careless when it came to a subject's life.  The distant look in his shallow green eyes only hollowed more as he gazed upon a subject suffering from one of his experimental mistakes.  My colleagues often commented that my constant presence was perhaps the only that kept him from breaking every single code of ethics.  

Even if that were true, Hojo's latest work had certainly tipped him over the edge.

The last few years were spent continuing where Grimoire and Lucrecia had left off in their research.  The research was about the stagnancy of the lifestream.  No one thought any notion of such a thing until Grimoire discovered tainted mako crystals within a deep cave known for its large mako crystals.  They studied them to discover that various materia within that did not behave like conventional materia and mako.  Grimoire wanted to take the research slow and cautiously but the young and impatient Lucrecia forced things forward.  A catastrophic lab explosion occurred, killing Grimoire.  Lucrecia's work paused for awhile as she mourned her partner in science but picked it up again to save the life of her friend and son of Grimoire, Vincent.  The experiment was recorded as being a success and disaster.  Lucrecia and Vincent disappeared and Shinra shut down the Chaos project.  A few years ago, Hojo reopened it and dragged me, at the time nothing more than a long-standing intern, into his dirty work.

You might ask why the project was reopened after nearly ten years.  Hojo never told me straight but I have a decent theory.  You see he often gets in this strange daze where he will gaze off into space for minutes on end.  Perhaps he is unaware of it but his expression morphs slowly into one of disgust.  I expect that he is contemplating about a past project left unfinished or data incomplete.  I was right about this one.  He wasn't satisfied with Lucrecia's data about how the stagnant lifestream affected Vincent.  There were too many open ended questions.  Why had it succeeded?  What did this mean exactly for Vincent?  Was there a better, more effective way of fusing one with tainted mako?

So he decided that he should try injecting unborn children with the tainted mako.  I threatened to report him on grounds of unethical treatment of subjects and violations of Shinra Laboratories' humanity bylaws.  He merely smirked and produced before me a document with President Shinra's own signature.    It was an approved project.

I threatened to leave to which Hojo immediately threatened to tear away all of the assets I had worked hard for.  He would ruin my reputation and unfortunately for me, had the authority to do so.  I could then pretty much forget about finding a job in my profession anywhere where Shinra Corp reached…which was pretty much everywhere.

So I stayed and worked to treat Hojo's subjects with great care.  I grew bitter during these past few years.  These mothers, most of them single mothers from Midgar's horrendous slums, were of the most desperate people I have ever seen.  They were practically lined up outside Sinra Labs willing to submit themselves as test subjects for the offered reward.  And the reward wasn't really that much.  But I suppose when you have a few mouths to feed and no income you would do something outrageous.  The requirements to be a test subject were rather vague.  Basically you had to be female and within the first four months of pregnancy.  It wasn't hard to find subjects.

Due to the extensive study Hojo preferred to do, we only worked with five mothers at a time.  It was easier on me Hojo said, as if he had a shred of compassion, and would allow him closer study.  My job was to measure each subject's physical and mental health on a daily basis.  I also had to measure the physical health and development of each mother's baby.  Doing that for five women every day left me exhausted often.  Hojo studied the effects of the stagnant mako injection on the mother and child.  He was pretty much in his own world most of the time.  Sometimes we was in the zone so much I was able to steal a few extra hours of sleep in my apartment in Midgar's upper levels.  He barely even noticed my exit and arrival those days.  It made me wonder how many sleepless nights he spent in the lab.  The coffee maker in our lab never seemed to be turned off.

Three years later and we were pretty much still waiting on strong results.  Why?  Simple.  None of the babies survived.  A few succumbed to the poisonous mako within minutes, a few hours, others days, and a few survived weeks or even months.  But they always ended up in miscarriage.  I nearly lost count of how many brokenhearted, ill women I sent away from the threshold of our labs with a bottle of restoring elixir and a check for five thousand gil signed by Shinra.  I think I disposed of a few hundred miscarried children within the past three years.  Yes.  A few hundred.  See why I've grown bitter.

Bit there was this one woman.  

She had been a test subject a few years earlier for a different experiment.  Isabae was her name.  I was sure she had a surname since had been married when she submitted for the first experiment but she never mentioned what it was.  Just Isabae though she went by Bae.  I was a little surprised with see Bae at our doorstep  a few months ago.  She showed up and simply stated that she wished to partake in the experiment.  Hojo seemed delighted to see her again though she was indifferent to his enthusiasm.  I knew why she had come.

Bae told my in our private consultation before the procedure that her husband had recently been deployed to deal with a skirmish in Costa del Sol since he was in SOLDIER.  That was months ago and Bae had not heard from him since.  Then again, SOLDIER was pretty bad at communicating with the solders' families.  It was likely that Bae had been widowed a second time and she needed money.

I had inquired where Weiss was since I remember him as being a successful experiment for a genetic enhancing procedure.  Bae, being protective, merely stated that was in the care of a friend.  She left it at that.

After explaining the procedure of the experiment thoroughly to her in hopes that should would back down and spare her unborn child.  Her resolve was adamant and I understood to a degree.  Jobs in the slums were hard to find.  She had another mouth to feed.  Five thousand gil was no small price for her cooperation with the experiment.  The money was enough to send Weiss to a good school for a few years until Bae could re-establish herself financially.

She submitted and I examined her to find a very healthy child growing in her.  She was about three months into her pregnancy and had no complications.  Weiss had been just as strong and healthy before he was born too.  It seemed that Bae's strong will and resolve meant strength for her children.  Maybe, just maybe her child would survive the procedure.

Well, he did.  It wasn't pretty though.  I watched and monitored Bae carefully.  When she bypassed the record of four months for keeping a child with the tainted lifestream Hojo and I knew Bae was different.  He was intrigued by her strength.  As he unborn child grew inside her, her health slowly declined though she refused to show it.  She especially did not show it when her friend, Ambrielle, brought Weiss for regular visits.  The remarkable young boy was quite a sight.  His face was slender like his mothers and he had her green eyes but not her sable hair.  His hair was silver, almost white.  At only three and a half years he was a patient, intelligent boy.  He asked his mother intelligent questions with words that were well beyond his young vocabulary.

As young as Weiss was he sensed his mother's weakness.  Though Bae hid it well with strong smiles, strong embraces with her son and hopeful words, Weiss always gazed up at me with his mako colored eyes and asked, "Why is mommy still sick?  Aren't you a doctor?"

The questions nearly killed me and I couldn't help but wonder why he had to ask that same question so often.  But he was a peculiar boy and I knew that he would be strong like his mother someday, maybe stronger.

Bae's condition seemed to improve a little in the last month.  By then we already knew the child was a boy.  When I told her, Bae smiled warmly and hugged her bulging stomach.  She whispered "I love you" to it as though the boy inside could perceive her words.  She loved the idea of having a second son.  she loved her firstborn with a fierce intensity and she delighted in the idea of Weiss having a brother.  It was her dream to raise boys with a strong bond of brotherhood.  

Her and I chatted often about random things when Hojo wasn't around.  It was a pleasure making friends with Bae.  I knew I would miss her once her child was born.  I asked her if she had chosen a name for her child yet and she said she had but would not reveal it yet.  It was the same way as before Weiss was born.

Well I am sure that at this point you're wondering about how I opened this document.  I am sad to say that those final weeks of Bae's pregnancy were the last I would spend with her.  We had become such good friends in the six months she was in the lab.  I didn't really have any friends since Hojo expected me to work tirelessly with him.  I had next to no social life save for the elaborate parties thrown by President Shinra for his high up employees.  Hojo certainly was no friend to me and barely a cordial coworker or boss.

When Bae's water broke she grew excited.  She was always excited to greet her new children.  Rarely had I seen a young woman from the slums be so excited to give birth to another mouth to feed.  Abortion rates in the slums were sadly high.  As the labor progressed she smiled through the intense pain of the contractions.  

Hojo had enlisted the extra help of two nurses from SOLDIER's medical corps.  And Ambrielle showed up with Weiss.  The young boy was allowed to spend the early part of the labor in the delivery chamber with his mother.  At that time, against Hojo's orders, Weiss crawled up on the bed and curled up beneath his mother's arm.  He smiled and patted Bae's bulging stomach gently.

Weiss's presence seemed to ease Bae's tension.  After thirty minutes of mother and son spending time together, Hojo grew impatient and told me to take Weiss from the room.  I ruefully obeyed and gently led the young boy by the hand.  Bae smiled and waved at Weiss who had glanced back one last time.  I sat Weiss down at the table in the laboratory break room.  I set a few sheets of printing paper and some pens in front of him and bought him a few snacks from the vending machine.  He settled down as easily as any three year old would and began quietly scribbling on the paper.  Once satisfied that he was busy, I left and returned to the delivery room.

Bae seemed to have grown weaker since Weiss left.  She was paler than before and her breaths were not as controlled and strong.  I noticed that her heart rate kept rising and falling unsteadily.  This wasn't normal.  Something wasn't right.

I glanced over to where Hojo was gazing over the computers and equipment monitoring Bae's health and progress.  His expression was solid and grim.  I squeezed Bae's cold, clammy hands softly and then went to see what Hojo was so intently staring at.  I didn't have to ask what he was fascinated with.

The electromagnetic readings, which I previously thought a useless measurement to take for a birth, were wild.  Not only that but the mako readings were fluctuating wildly.  There was definitely something paranormal going on with Bae's child.  A quick glance back at Hojo revealed to me that he had found something he was looking for.  Nevermind that Bae was not doing good.  The child's strange energy intrigued him.

"What does it mean, Professor?" I asked timidly.

He smirked and glanced sideways at me.  'You can rejoice, my student.  I believe we will be able to wrap up this project at last."

Somehow I didn't think he meant that everything of this project would be done and finished once Bae delivered the child.  I think he meant the tiresome cycle of recruiting new subjects and not having a successful experiment.  Even he grew weary of years of fruitless labor.  No, what I believed he was ready for this phase of the overall project to end.  He wanted to do the real experiments.  He wanted to test the child's abilities.

I heard Bae scream for the first time in the five hours she had been in labor.  Her strong, healthy body was beginning to fail.  I and the other nurses scurried around to discover the source of her rapid decline in health.  I checked her child.  He was turned the correct way for an easy birth.  She was dilating properly and had been for the past two hours.  As far as the progression of her labor, this was supposed to be a textbook birth.

Yet we were losing her slowly.  It wasn't even her will.  He will grew stronger as her body grew weaker.  I couldn't explain it.  No mother with her strength of will and heart should be losing her child.  Yet her heart rate was wild and her brainwaves weakening.  I didn't want to lose her or her child.  Bae was too close of a friend now.  Forget what Hojo had always said about getting close to test subjects.  Bae was a human being.

And it seemed in the last thirty minutes that Hojo finally showed any heart whatsoever.  It seemed that he too didn't want to lose the child.  We had all come too far to lose it all now.  So he intervened and to help directly instead of standing on his holier-than-thou pedestal.  He went over to a locked cabinet and retrieved one of his precious and expensive serums: one used as a powerful, instant revitalizer.  He filled a thin syringe with the blue fluid and took Bae's pale arm.  Without a word he pricked her shoulder and emptied the syringe into her bloodstream.  Bae barely noticed for I had her concentrating on my voice.

At last the final moments came and I urged Bae to push hard.  She didn't seem to need much motivation.  The strengthening serum had done its work well and energy short through.  Her cries were strong like battle cries as she struggled to bring her son into the world.

Then he came and it happened.  It all happened so fast.

One of the nurses, Audri, caught the slippery little baby the moment he emerged and practically dropped him immediately.  She scrambled back and slammed against the wall with her head bowed tightly to her chest and her hands over her head.  Something had happened that moment that she touched him.

The other nurse rushed to see if Audri was alright while I went to collect the newborn child to begin cleaning him up.  But something was not right.  The child wailed as normally as any newborn but I stopped when I saw the strange black haze drifting around him.  Sparks of violet light danced in the black haze.  It was terrifying.  I glance back at Bae.  The young woman seemed oblivious to the appearance of her child for she was merely gasping for much needed air.

"Where is…my son?" she asked between ragged breaths.  My eyes gazed over at Audri and Sigmer.  Sigmer had an arm draped tightly over Audri's shoulders.  Audri's face was blank and pale like she had just seen a ghost.  I glanced back at the newborn child.  He was crying now, cold and helpless.  Despite the ominous black haze I moved closer to the child to reach down and pick him up.

But Hojo, who had previously been back behind the computers and equipment, raced over and grabbed my hand.  He began pulling me sharply toward the door.  I struggled against him and demanded what he was doing.

"We can do nothing to help her now," Hojo said darkly and continued pulling me toward the door.  I glanced quickly between him and Bae.  Bae was listless, going quickly and her newborn son lay helpless at the foot of the bed.  I yanked harder from Hojo, screaming at him.  I had to help Bae.  I had to help her son!

"Silence yourself, woman," Hojo snapped.  He glanced at Audri and Sigmer shouted, "Get out, now!"

My screams continued in protest and I called out, "Bae!  Bae!"

The black haze around the child thickened into a mist and grew slowly.  Hollow whispers of wordless voices rang around the room.  What was happening?  I watched helplessly as Bae sat up and reached forward for her pale, slippery son.  She took the child in her arm and cradled him closely despite the growing black cloud.  She leaned down and gently kissed his forehead.  Even over the hum of the darkness I heard her say, "I'm glad to meet you, Nero."

So that was his name.  Nero.  Bae had chosen the name Nero.  It was a strange, yet perfect, counter to her elder son's name.  Weiss.  Weiss and Nero.  White and Black.  Left and Right.  Had she know that this darkness would overshadow her second son's birth and probably his life.  Black.  Pitch, dark, black.

She kissed Nero's forehead again and glanced back at me with a smile just as Hojo was pulling me through the laboratory door.  No sadness or fear was in her eyes, just strength: just peace.  "Take care of  them, Victoria."  She  looked back down with a deep smile just as the darkness around her and Nero blossomed fully and raced toward the corners of the room.  Hojo yanked me through, slammed the door shut and sealed it quickly with a swipe of his security key.

I threw myself back at the cold metal door and yanked hard on the locked handle.  For the first moment or two of my fury, Hojo merely shook his head until I began reaching for my security key to unlock the door.  He grabbed for my hands and wrestled me against the wall.

"Let me in there!  Bae needs me!  Let go of me!" I screamed.  I continued jerking hard against Hojo and trying to escape him.  Despite his constant time spent in the lab he was rather stronger and soon had me pressed against the wall.  I was nearly mad at that point.  "BAE!  NERO!"

"You can do no more for Isabae, Victoria!  She is gone!" Hojo snarled in my ear as I continued in my fight to get to the door.  My racket had disturbed practically the whole floor.  Three SOLDIERs emerged from two ends of the corridor to see the commotion.

"Victoria, she is gone!" Hojo hissed in my ear again.   Hojo gazed at the slowly approaching SOLDIERS and shouted over my screams and pounding on the wall, "Escort Ms. Kendrall to the infirmary!"

At that moment all fight in me seemed to melt and I merely pressed my cheek against the wall, breathing hard.  I had grown hot in my white lab coat but I couldn't remove it with Hojo's arm still pressed hard against my back.  Tired and defeated, I sank to the ground as the SOLDIERs walked up.  They stood their, unsure of how to handle me since I was not longer struggling against Hojo.  My fight was gone.  

"So, you've decided to accept that I just saved your life," Hojo chided as he backed up.  I said nothing.  "Good."

"Sir, do you still need us?" asked one of the SOLDIERs standing by.

"No, thank you.  You are dismissed," Hojo said.  "I'm sure Ms. Kendrall will be reasonable now."

"Thank you," I uttered softly.  Slowly I stood up and wiped away the hot tears from my eyes.  "I'm sorry."

Hojo crossed his arms and snorted, "There is a good reason I told you not to make friends with your subjects."

That line stung but I decided to merely ignore it.  I new Hojo was wrong.  It was not caring for subjects and connecting with them on any level deeper than scientist-subject that had caused this disaster.  Sighing heavily I turned and headed toward the break room to pull myself together.

I reached the break room only to be met by a detail of the situation I had forgotten.  Weiss.  He was still sitting happily at the table.  Two of the three snacks I bought him had been finished and their wrappers lay open and torn a foot away from the stack of paper.  I closed the door slowly after pondering for a minute on how to break the terrible, unusual news to him.  

What could I tell him?  His brother killed there mother?  Bae had been sucked into an oblivion and we abandoned his brother?  He wouldn't understand anything other than that his mother was now gone.  I swallowed hard and sat in the chair next to him.  My heart broke when I saw the pictures he was drawing.

They were pictures of family.  There was a scribbly picture of his mother, beautiful and strong Bae.  Even in his childish, untrained marks I could see that he knew his mother was strong.  She looked strong in the choppy, sharp lines.  There was a picture of who I assumed what Weiss's father.  I'm sure Weiss had not seen him in awhile but I didn't know exactly.  Then I saw the picture he was drawing at the moment.  A tear crept back in my eye.

There were four figures.  The short, white haired figure in the center had to be Weiss.  The tall one on the left was his father, judging by the silver hair.  Then there was Bae on the right with a little blob in her arms.  The blob had a squiggly mass of black on its "head" and two little dots for what I assumed were eyes: Nero.  It was their family.  But I knew it was all in shreds now.

"Hi there," I said softly with great care that my voice didn't crack with the terror of what I had just witnessed.

Weiss continued drawing.  "Hi, Victoria."  His voice was light and happy.  Oh how dare I shatter that sweet little joy.  But I had to.  But where did I start?

"What are you drawing?" I asked, pretending to be oblivious.  With great enthusiasm he began explaining who was who in the picture.  At the end he gazed suddenly up at me and asked, "Is mommy okay?  Has she brought my brother out of her tummy yet?"

I chuckled once and nearly let go of my calm.  I swallowed and said softly, "Your mom is okay."  I guess it was sort of the truth.  She no longer had to deal with the horrors of this life and living in Midgar's slums.  Somewhere she floated in the Lifestream.  I hoped it was enough for Weiss.

But I was a terrible liar and Weiss read me amazingly well for a three-year old.  He blinked and asked, "She not's okay, is she?"

I chewed my lip for a moment, gazed down and sniffed hard.  I gazed back up at him and shook my head.  "No, Weiss.  She's not."  

Weiss said nothing more but unexpectedly threw himself into my arms.  I caught him and held him tight.  I wasn't sure in those moments whether I was comforting him in the loss of his mother or if he was comforting me in the loss of my only friend.

"Mommy is strong.  She'll be okay in the lifestream," Weiss said after a minute or so.  I held him tighter as though trying to absorb some of his calm and resolve.  How could a child be so strong?

I was interrupted by my pager ringing.  I let Weiss go, stood up and answered it.  "Yeah?"

"Victoria, are you alright?"  It was Hojo and was that a sliver of sympathy I heard?

"Yeah, yeah, I am.  What do you need?" I asked, turning away from Weiss.

"The child's darkness has died off.  Audri is caring for him right now.  You should return to the lab when you've collected yourself," Hojo said evenly.

"Yeah, okay," I uttered and sniffed sharply.

"Have you told Isabae's other son, Weiss?" Hojo asked.

"He figured it out.  He's okay, though," I said.

"Well you can bring him to see his brother," Hojo said.

"Yeah, thanks," I said and the line went dead.  I was surprised in Hojo.  He never let ANY children in the lab.  Perhaps my display had softened him this once.

I smiled at Weiss and asked, "Would you like to see your brother?"  This brightened the boy's mood a bit and he nodded vigorously.  I reached my hand out and said, "Come on.  Let's go meet him."

I arrived back in the lab to find Bae completely gone and the bed already cleaned up.  Sigmer was washing off some of the equipment used earlier and Audri was wrapped Nero in a soft, white blanket.  He had already been cleaned and now he  only wiggled in uncoordinated movements common to most newborns.  His little pale head was already blanketed in thin black hair.  I approached and Audri handed him to me.  Her urgency told me she didn't want to hold him and was glad to be rid of him.

I took his small little body carefully and smiled.  He was just as beautiful and adorable as any baby.  He was a little thinner than Weiss had been at birth, but still very healthy.  Weiss had been a little chubby baby.  His skin was very pale, but not in a sickly or alarming way.  His eyes were closed as he tried to drift to a sleep.

I sat down in a nearby chair and lowered him for Weiss to see.  I smiled and said, "Weiss, meet your little brother, Nero."

Weiss smiled and put his  hand on Nero's tiny chest.  The baby stirred and reached his little hand.  The small fingers wrapped around Weiss's wrist.  Weiss stroked his brother's silky black hair with his free hand and chuckled.  "He's a good brother!"

"Would you like to hold him?" I asked softly.

"Can I?" Weiss asked, beaming.  I was somewhat relieved in that moment.  Weiss was taking his mother's death very well.  Bae really had done a phenomenal job in raising him to be strong in the short three years she had been with him.  I only hoped that I, as a hopeful surrogate mother, could match her job.

I held little Nero out and into Weiss's unpracticed, small arms.  I kept nearly all of Nero's small weight in my own arms to support him but Weiss acted as though he carried Nero all on his own.  He leaned and hugged his brother gently but closely.  Face to face, they were beautiful siblings.  They were building a strong bond that I prayed would not easily be broken.  They would need that bond to pull them through the pain of not having a mother or likely a father.  I would try my hardest to be a strong pillar in their lives but I couldn't guarantee it.

I put one arm around Weiss while still supporting little Nero with the other.  I leaned in and whispered in a voice that I hoped busy Hojo didn't hear, "You boys are strong and come from a mother a strong as the Lifestream itself.  You be strong for each other.  You hold onto each other and never let each other go.  Always protect the other."

I was never good at being strong for people which is perhaps why I chose a profession that forced me to remove myself from the situation emotionally.  But I couldn't this time.  I had to let myself feel this one.  I needed to feel this one to keep from turning into the cold shell Hojo had been trying to make me for the past few years.  So my little charge to the boys, though Nero could not understand it, was a test for me.  I knew it couldn't have meant much at the moment but I could only pray that it sank into the recesses of Weiss's young heart and blossomed until Nero was old enough when those seeds of brotherhood could planted in him.

Then, as though Nero had understood, the baby boy opened his eyes.  I was surprised to say the least.  His little eyes fluttered open to reveal the deepest crimson irises.  My instinct was to be revolted since I had never seen red eyes but I found myself gazing more at them.  He blinked and continued gazing beautifully up at me and then Weiss.  His eyes were deep and extraordinary.  I didn't care that he held a darkness that perhaps was extremely dangerous.  It wasn't his fault and I wasn't going to blame him.  If anything, it was my fault.

He reached up and rested his hand against Weiss's cheek.  The two brother exchanged a deep gaze and then Weiss looked up at me and said, "Nero is the best brother I could ask for."